A cabal of evil Frenchies have today switched on a device which will ultimately lead to the destruction of the universe. The doomsday machine, named after its mad German inventor, Doktor Von Doomsday, was originally designed to convert sawdust and pubic hair into quality jewelery cheaply and efficiently before escalating EU grants of over 4 billion Euros forced the project to shut down. Embittered, Doktor Doomsday converted it to a universe destroying machine and sold it to France.