#1: Solar power has been the next big thing for forty years.

#1: Gucci suits are like Corvettes. They’re a great way of telling people you didn’t always have money.

#1: The fact that the new Pope loves the poor and hates contraception is a great formula for more poor.

#1: If there’s a hot chick behind me at the ATM, I’ll always leave my receipt in the machine so she can see the balance.

#1: I wish I invested in poverty. It’s up 60% since 2001. #2: We did.

#1: Wearing a Rolex is like driving an Audi. It says you’ve got money, but nothing to say.

#1: The fact that most people are too stupid to know how dumb they really are is the fabric holding our society together.

#1: Divorce is expensive, because its worth it.

#1: 80% of lottery winners go broke because 100% of lottery players are fucking idiots.

#1: If guns were illegal, no one would get shot. Sort of like how no one can buy drugs.

#1: Almost time for children to learn a valuable life lesson. Santa loves rich kids more.

#1: I would pay like $500k to watch the Kardashians play Scrabble.

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