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Question: what was the all-important event erybody was talking about right before 9/11? Answer: the UN-conference against racism in Durban, a city in South Africa. From the outset this conference made it quite clear who was responsible for bigotry, colonialism and basically all evil under the sun – the tiny state of Israel. The most evil form of racism, they declared at Durban, was criticism of Islam. The „Protocols of the Elders of Zion“, an antisemitic forgery trying to prove that the word is in the grips of a Jewish conspiracy, was one of the milder documents distributed there. Also copies of „Mein Kampf“, a book by the famous antiracist Adolf Hitler, were passed around.

All in all, the conference in Durban was a pogrom wearing the black tie of diplomacy. As the event was so much fun for everyone involved, it will be continued this Monday, April 20, in Geneva. The show will be run by Libya, Iran and Cuba (no, I’m not joking). As it happens, April 20 is also the day Mr Hitler was born at Braunau. Thus in Geneva the UN is celebrating Adolf H.s birthday. Mazal tov.
Let’s have a brief look at the historical records. The UN was founded in UN mainly through the efforts of one politician, a certain Alger Hiss. Whittaker Chambers, a communist renegade, accused Hiss of being a Soviet spy. Most liberals in the US still believe this accusation to be wrong. But the „Venona cables“ as well as documents found in the archives of Eastern Bloc secret services after 89 don’t leave the shadow of a reasonable doubt: Whittaker Chambers was right. Alger Hiss indeed worked for the KGB (or the MWD, as it was then still known). Please savour this bitter pill as you swallow it: the UN was founded in New York mostly by the efforts of a man who worked for Josef Stalin.
This little enterprise really payed off for the Soviet Union. Pedro A. Sanjuan, an American who worked for the UN as „Director of Political Affairs“ learned this during George Orwell’s annus horribilis 1984. One day he asked his secretary to get him a certain book at the UN library – the memoir of a Soviet defector. An hour and a half later she returned emptyhanded. „They told me they were overworked and didn’t have the book anyway because it was ‚a very bad book’.“ Sanjuan quite literally grabbed his secretary’s wrist and walked her over to the library. One glance at the catalogue showed him that „Mein Kampf“ was easily to be had – but not the book of a heretic comrade from the Soviet homeland. Sanjuan also noticed that only Russians worked at the UN library. A lot of Russians – the UN library was hopelessly overstaffed.
These library workers did not have the time to care for customers, however. They were quite busy. At the UN library the KGB asked Pentagon research facilities to fax them plans of the F 14. Also the sequence in which intercontinental missiles would be fired during a nuclear war. And as we are speaking about it, the names of American government employess. And would you ming giving us the exact locations of your national parks? None of this was considered classified information in this blissfully naive country. And after all it was not the Soviet Embassy that demanded this information, it was the UN which might need it for disarmament talks. So the documents were faxed over. At the UN library KGB-agents translated them into Russian and sent them directly to Moscow.
The UN thus was a gigantic center of espionage which the Americans allowed to operate on their own shores. Well, at least this means the UN was good for something until 89. But ever since the fall of the Evil Empire, the UN has outlived even this last vestige of usefulness. Only three groups by now derive any discernible profit from the UN’s existence:

(a) Antisemites. The UN considers it its most important mission to sit in constant judgement on the Jewish State. As Pedro A. Sanjuan discovered to his own great surprise, antisemitism is an integral part of the UN lifestyle: „It is more than just political opposition to Israel. It is a cultural mentality, part of the very air one breathes there.“
(b) Pedophiles. There were many horrors in Yugoslavia during the 90ies – massacres, mass rapes, genital mutilation. But there was no child prostitution. It arrived with the UN troops. And former Yugoslavia is not the only place where this has happened. Every father in Eitrea knows that you shouldn’t allow your children to get too close to a UN post. Soldiers with blue helmets like little boys and girls way too much. As UN troops are not an army for which anybody bears responsibility – they are not the army of a nation-state, after all – there is no way to punish such outrages.
(c) Genocidal murderers. The UN really can be relied on as far as this issue is concerned. They never stop a genocide while it is happening. Only afterwards do they pass unanimous resolutions that are soggy with crocidile’s tears. So it went when the Khmer Rouge ravaged Cambodia, so it was when Rwanda turned into a slaughterhouse, thus it is now as the janjaweed murder women and children and old people in Darfur. UN troops that are sent to places of mass carnage can be counted on to be one hundred percent useless. Either they withdraw at the moment of crisis and leave the victims to the tender mercies of their killers (Rwanda) or they politely show the murderers the way and invite them to share a relaxing glass of champagne before the massacre starts (Bosnia).

If the UN were a nation state one would have to call it a banana republic – albeit one that hasn’t produced a single banana in years. If the UN were a company it would need a bailout by now. This firm was founded under fraudulent circumstances and is long past the point where it could be reformed. Faced with the antisemitic farce that is now taking place under the UN’s auspices in Geneva the time has come to draw consequences. Let me put them in the nerdy terms of computer technology: a reboot won’t do the trick, the hard drive needs to be replaced. This means: US – out of the UN! And UN – out of the US! Let this organization lead a shady afterlife in Tehran, Tripolis or Caracas while we consider what better alternative we might replace it with. As far as New York is concerned, this would help solve a problem every tourist is familiar with. Our beautiful city is in dire need of public bathroom facilities. Once the UN has left its famous headquarters at the banks of the East River they can be dedicated to a much more dignified use.

(Hannes Stein)